Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba": Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in an hour. Don't disturb the Pit Bulls, they've just been wormed.