Monday, October 23, 2006

One Liners

"Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!"

"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name." -- Steven Wright

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they chargeit with battery?
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.

TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.Lexuses or Lexi?

It's like the man who wanted to buy two mongoose. Or is it mongeese? Or mongooses?He finally said, "Send me a mongoose, and tomorrow send me another one."

Thank God I'm an atheist.

What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?

I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My Reality Check bounced.Some people can't tell a lie, others can't tell the truth, and others can't tell the difference.

Some people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory.

Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

Some people kiss with their eyes closed. Too bad they also marry the same way.

You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

"A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!"

"A wedding ring is like a tourniquet -- it cuts off your circulation!"

"A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!"

"It's astonishing how politicians never say anything, yet always insist they're being misquoted!

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

My friend has a job installing pipe. When Friday comes, he tells his boss it's time to pay the piper.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.

Thanks Jim E.
Jim is a friend from our campground and now is back in Arizona.
Hi is a great guy but not from GPK. He may qualify as a honorary GPKer..

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