Saturday, February 17, 2007

Entertainment for today

these are pretty funny!>

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a
three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was
cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He
became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be
charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they
always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

The professor discovered that her theory of
earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could
jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead
giveaway)

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in
feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get
repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll
show you A flat miner

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France,
resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint
mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a
mall.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she
thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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