Saturday, February 10, 2007

The Year 2012

Hi, John,

How are you and Sheila? I hope you are both well at least until 2012 when the fireworks begin.

Judith brought home a whole mess of Google printouts which scared the daylight out of me.

No, not because of the year 2012, but because of the realization of how many nuts are out there in the Internet world. Among various predictions and scenarios of how we are all going to fry, boil and roast when the Earth will be destroyed in 2012, there was an article by one Patrick Geryl titled “The World Cataclysm in 2012.” The Earth will be subjected to a huge disaster. The cause: “The magnetic field of the Earth will reverse in an instant, resulting in catastrophic consequences for humanity.”

Pretty frightening, right? However, this fellow, Patrick Geryl (please tell me he isn’t Irish) omitted to inform his trembling readers as to the reason why the Earth’s magnetic field reversed its polarity.

Intrigued, after a great deal of political/scientific research, I think I know now what caused it. You see, John, according to my scholarly calculations, 2012 will be the year when Quebec will finally separate from the rest of Canada —not just politically but also physically. Quebec will literally tear itself from the land mass of the North American continent, resulting in a destructive effect on the Van Allen belt, which, bombarded by the tremendous vibrations caused by a continuous stream of political slogans such as “Le Québec aux Québecois!” shouted by millions of separatists, will overcharge the magnetic field of the Earth and unknown electric forces will be generated—a nightmare for everybody!

Freed from the oppressive restraints of English Canada, the entire area of Quebec will pull away from Earth and begin to rotate around the Sun. In other words, Quebec will become another planet in the solar system.

To complicate matters, Cote St. Luc and Greenfield Park will refuse to be part of the new Quebec planet, and in their turn, will break away from Quebec and start rotating of their own volition as individual moons.

So dear friends, I’m afraid that in a few years from now, you will have to print new letterheads, envelopes, business cards, etc. with your new address on the Greenfield Park Moon.

I don’t know about you guys, but Judith and I have always dreamed of retiring somewhere in sunny Florida or Mexico, but unfortunately, if my scientific calculation are accurate, both of us will still be shovelling snow on some wintry moon. The only consolation I can think of is that, if the newly formed Cote St. Luc moon will orbit the planet Quebec , I’ll dump all the snow on the separatist planet. Serves them right!

Now a few words about what will physically cause the Earth’s magnetic field reversal: After Quebec’s separation from Earth, an enormous hole will be left in its place, into which billions of Chinese, Indians, Pakistanis, etc. will rush to move in (nature abhors a vacuum), and by so doing, the entire planet will tilt under the enormous unbalanced weight and the much dreaded magnetic reversal will occur.

I can’t see how the Earth’s destruction could possibly be avoided except perhaps by appealing to the environmental sentiments of the separatists: “Isn’t the saving of a planet worth putting up with a few English signs and street names?” But I fear their answer will be a resounding NON!

Failing to convince them, we will have to resign ourselves to live on our respective moons, but I hope that after 2012, we will still keep in touch and who knows? Maybe even visit each other? What’s a couple of moons between friends?

Be well and keep well, and may the moonlight shine upon you!

Ed

Thanks John G.

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