Tuesday, March 13, 2007

All Puns Intended

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and
got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm, and says "A beer please, and one for
the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones
Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."


8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this
bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel
my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't -
I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it
sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked
them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they
moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt,
and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends
a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen
Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive set
of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh,
man, this is so bad, it's good) ....
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to his/her friends, with the hope
that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Thanks Bob H.

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