Puns and more Puns

> >> >> >> >A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum > >Blownapart.

> >> >> >> >I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

> >> >> >> >Police were called to a daycare where a 3 year-old was resisting a rest.

> >> >> >> >Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all > >right now.

> >> >> >> >The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.> >> >> >> >To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

> >> >> >> >When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

>> >> >> >The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at > >large.> >> >> >> >A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

> >> >> >> >The thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened > >criminal.

> >> >> >> >Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.> >> >> >> >We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.> >> >> >> >When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

> >> >> >> >The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

> >> >> >> >The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

> >> >> >> >If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

> >> >> >> >A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.> >> >> >> >What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

> >> >> >> >Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

> >> >> >> >A backward poet writes inverse.

> >> >> >> >A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

> >> >> >> >If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.> >> >> >> >With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

> >> >> >> >Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

> >> >> >> >When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

> >> >> >> >The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

> >> >> >> >He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

> >> >> >> >A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

> >> >> >> >A boiled egg is hard to beat.

> >> >> >> >He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

> >> >> >> >A plateau is a high form of flattery.

> >> >> >> >Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

> >> >> >> >When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

> >> >> >> >When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

> >> >> >> >Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.


Thanks Richard W.