Saturday, August 04, 2007

Thinking Problem.....

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then -- just to loosen up.
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Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than
just a social thinker.
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I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally
I was thinking all the time.
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That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the
TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at
her mother's.
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I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't help myself.
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I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
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One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hur ts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If
you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
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This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been
thinking..."
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"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
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"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
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"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if
you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
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"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
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She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to
deal with the emotional drama.
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"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
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I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into
the parking lot with NPR on the radio an d ran up to the big glass doors.
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They didn't open. The library was closed.
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To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a
poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it
asked.
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You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.
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This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
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I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how
we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
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I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road
to recovery is nearly complete for me.
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Today I took the final step...I joined the Conservative Party.
Thanks Gus R.

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