HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't wastethem on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heartwill not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life ofyour car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay andcorn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than anefficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eatchicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance ofvegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled wine, thatmeans they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of thegoodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain . Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. Ifyou have two bodies , your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exerciseprogram?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be badfor you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You shouldonly be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the bestfeel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had aboutfood and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid insideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOW what a ride!' This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day
BREAKFAST 1 Grapefruit 1 slice whole-wheat toast 1 cup skim milk
LUNCH 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Tim Tam
AFTERNOON TEA The rest of the Tim Tams from the packet 1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping
DINNER 4 bottles of wine (red or white) 2 loaves garlic bread 1 family size Supreme pizza 3 snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK 1 whole Woolworth's cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer) REMEMBER : 'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts' Send this to four women and you will lose two kilograms Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 kgsIF you delete this message you will gain 10 kgs
And Finally, here's some advice for you: Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all thethings you have started....... So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished;and, before leaving the house this morning,
I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, apockage of Tim Toms , tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, theres of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates.
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
Thanks Millie McG.