Thursday, December 20, 2007

This is one that gets posted annually

This is just so wonderful - have a good giggle - aren't we just so wonderful! Love to all of you, Sheila xxx
Dear All,
>
> My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
>
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the
>glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
>envelope that needs sealing.
>
> Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
>reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
>Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
>the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
>participating in their special e-mail program .....
>
> Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7
>million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who
>died intestate.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
>out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
>water buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
>forward e-mail to seven of my friends
> and make a wish within five minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
>remove toilet stains.I no longer can buy fuel without taking a man along to
>watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
>filling up.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
>perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
>number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda,
>Singapore and Uzbekistan.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
>
> because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me
>instant death when it bites my ass.
>
> And thanks to your great advice,
>
> I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot
>because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath
>my car to grab my leg.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
>minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
>afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
>to grow a hairy hump.
>
> I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
>next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
>beautician.
>
> By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
>discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
>always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


Thanks Sheila G.

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