Friday, August 31, 2007
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreedto the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80.00, the second guy confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings."The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
"The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
Thanks Ralph B.
I AM TALKING ABOUT OUR FAFORITE CANDY STORE NEAR ROYAL GEORGE SCHOOL, HARRY SMITH, MRS SMITH IS STILL
LIVING AT THE JARDIN INTEREUR ON VICTORIA IN ST-LAMBERT. I WILL GET TO SEE HERE SOON SHE IS AROUND 94 YEARS.
HOPE TO GET OLD PICS OF THE STORE AND DISCOVER CANDIES WE FORGOT ABOUT.
P.S. I FORGOT THE HONEYMOONS CANDIES SORRY.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
And last but not least,You could run this over to your friends, but why not just e-mail it to them!
Thanks Barb H.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Thanks Ralph B.
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends.
You know you want to
Thanks Barb H.
I saw your post about the big helecopter that was used for the mining industry, and yes it it huge, but it is not the biggest by a long way. I have linked a picture to a machine made by the same people which has two twin engined heads and a body larger than a boing 737! Just check out the size of the fighter jets under its wing for a scale!
Click on the Link Below. The naration is in French but I think most of you will understand..
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the Pastor's reply.
"This is very important," the young woman continued . "I w ant to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Pastor. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement.
In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie.
Something wonderful, and with substance!' So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tel l them : "Keep your fork, the best is yet to come." The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death.
But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.
So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more.
For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep your fork." Cherish the time you have , and the memories you share . being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND even if it means sending back to the person who sent it to you. And keep your fork.
Thanks Bernie C.
YOU KNOW YOUR TOWN IS FINALLY ON THE MAP WHEN;
"A NEW HOOTERS OPENS UP !!!!"
HOOTERS IS OPENING SEPT. 15TH NEAR THE CORNER OF
CHURCHILL AND TACHEREAU,,,,NEXT TO M&M MEATS,,,,
I WONDER WHO PLANNED THAT LOCATION ??
JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW,,,,
I GOT THE NEWS FROM THE MOST RELIABLE SOURCE,,,
OUR U..P.S. GUY,,,TONY !!!
SO ,,,FOR THOSE GUYS WHO MAY HAVE BEEN UNDECIDED
ABOUT COMING TO THE REUNION,,,,HERE IS ANOTHER REASON !!
SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER,,,,,( REMEMBER THE SONG?? ) BYE
Thanks John G.
Thanks Ivan R.
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.¬ She also appears to be depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19 I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 . The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Thanks Bernie C.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
TEST FOR OLD KIDS (and smart ones with good memory)!I was picky who I sent this to. It had to be those who might actually remember.
The answers are printed below, but don't you cheat.
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________Show.
03. "Get your kicks, _______________."
04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed___________________."
05."In the jungle, the mighty jungle,___________."
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."
07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best... _______________."
08. Satchmo was America 's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? ______.
10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named______________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "______________"
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW . What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died."This was a tribute to _____________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called __________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________. !
01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader,and "Good Night,and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12 Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
Send this to your "old" friends. It will drive them crazy! And, keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes.
Thanks Bob H.
Thanks Carolyn D.
3481 Game action in the A Final.
3489 Fans watching the A Final.
3490 Having a beer after a game.
3491 Bob Myles, Bernie Constantini and a represtative of the Mackay
at the awards ceremony.
3492 Wade Wilson thanking everyone for contributing to a wonderful
3493 A champion Park athlete was recognized for her performance at the
Quebec Summer games.
3496 The Bogans.
3497 Frank Reid awarding a trophy.
3498 Provigo, winners of the A-Final.
3499 Fred Stacey and family came to present the Stacey trophy.
3500 Gary McClarnon and friend
3501 B Division results
3504 Luc holding the trophy won by his team - Provigo.
3505 A Canadian hero, who recently returned from Afghanistan, attended