Saturday, January 12, 2008

Ten Puns

The ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of languagedevelopment . Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest:

1 . A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons . TheStewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed perpassenger . "

2 . Two fish swim into a concrete wall . The one turns to the other andsays, "Dam!"

3 . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in thecraft . Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have yourkayak and heat it too .

4 . Two hydrogen atoms meet . One says, "I've lost my electron . " The othersays, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive . "

5 . Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a rootcanal? His goal: transcend dental medication .

6 . A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing inthe lobby discussing their recent tournament victories . After about an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse . But why?",they asked, as they moved off . "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nutsboasting in an open foyer . "

7 . A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption . One of them goes to afamily in Egypt and is named "Ahmal . " The other goes to a family in Spain ;they name him "Juan . . " Years later , Juan sends a picture of himself to hisbirth mother . Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband thatshe wishesshe also had a picture of Ahmal . Her husband responds, "They're twins! Ifyou've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal . "

8 . A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they openedup a small florist shop to raise funds . Since everyone liked to buy flowersfrom the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition wasunfair . He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not . He wentback and begged the friars to close . They ignored him . So, the rival floristhired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade"them to close . Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd beback if they didn't close up shop . Terrified, they did so, therebyproving thatonly Hugh can prevent florist friars .

9 . Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, whichproduced an impressive set of calluses on his feet . He also ate very little,which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it's good) a super calloused fragilemystic hexed by halitosis .

10 . And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns tofriends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh .

No pun in ten did .

Thanks Barb H.

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