Saturday, April 26, 2008

Airline Humor

Hi, I am having one hell of a problem w/ this dam thing.(computer and Norton antivirus) Hope this gets to you

 

 

Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.  Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

 

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit. Qantas airline bug report

Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.

Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

 

Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Engineers: Evidence removed.

 

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Engineers: That's what they're for.

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.

Engineers: Suspect you're right.

 

 Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.

Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.

Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

Pilots: Target radar hums

Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Engineers: Cat installed.

 

And perhaps, the best Qantas joke...

Qantas Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

 Heather

 

Thanks Heather B. C.

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