Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Age Matters at Walmart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the houseMowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. Youhave your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts withthe hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourselfin the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne becauseyou never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing inthe checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl runningthe register.

In your 30's:Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Changeshoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Washyour hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Stillgot it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone youwent to school with.

In your 40's:Stop what you are doing. Put a sweat shirt that is long enough tocover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoesand a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almostempty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's ageand you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your handsonto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt inyour new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear notto wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutierunning the register smiles when she sees you coming and you thinkyou still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is fromBuddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.

'In your 60's:Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dogshit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the holein you pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but youdon't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they haveyour prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit onyour shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you becauseyou remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now youremember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wanderaround trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart outloud and you think someone called out your name. You went to schoolwith the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

Thanks Win S.

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