Puns

These are groaners……………

Some of these you may have had, in the form here, or some other;

whatever, they are all darned good!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was --

SirCumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island -- but it

turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker -- but he loved her

still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class --

because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder -- and got a little

behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope

-- it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road -- and was cited for

littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France -- would result in Linoleum

Blown apart.

9. Two silk worms had a race -- they ended up in a

tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow -- fruit flies like a

banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall -- the police are

looking into it.

12. Atheism -- is a non-prophet

organisation.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. -- One hat

said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger -- then, it hit

me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said -- 'Keep off the

Grass'.

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital --

his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was. The nurse said, 'No change

yet'.

17. A chicken crossing the road -- is poultry in

motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison -- was a small

medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray -- is now a

seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet -- writes inverse.

21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts -- in feudalism, it's

your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary -- they got a taste of

religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults -- practice safe sects!

Thanks Barry & Louise D.