Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Men's age as determined by a trip to Home Depot

For the man in the house.

>

>

> You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the

> lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You

> are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work

> clothes on... You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old

> T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis

> shoes.

>

> Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize!

> you need to run to Home Depot to get some thing to help complete the

> job.

>

> Depending on your age you might do the following:

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 20's:

>

> Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush

> your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the

> mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never

> know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout

> lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 30's:

>

> Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.

> You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and

> comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a

> shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running

> the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 40's:

>

> Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover

> the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a

> hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so

> you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check

> yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy

> young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel

> weird thinking she is spicy.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 50's:

>

> Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto

> your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in

> your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to

> wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat The Cutie running

> the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have

> it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer

> Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 60's:

>

> Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog

> doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your

> 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in

> your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't

> have your glasses on so you are not sure.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 70's:

>

> Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store

> has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo

> on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you

> remind her of her grandfather.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 80's:

>

> Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you

> remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and

> wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out

> loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school

> with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

>

>

>

>

>

> In your 90's & beyond:

>

> What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I?

> Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

>

>Thanks Richard W.

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